I’m a Christian by logical choice. It’s the best explanation of what we see around us, for me at least. I don’t mean religion I mean logic. Where do we come from, we don’t know so but we try to understand.
When you say you are ‘good’ where does the idea of good and not-good come from. If we are evolved, the survival of the fittest does not leave much room for helping anybody, loving anybody, and such.
Jesus, who you give some interest, said he didn’t come to condemn the world, it didn’t need condemning, it was that way already. He came to save it.
Trying to reject God’s goodness is not a new idea. Jeremiah spoke to his people 2,500 years ago about it. He said some people in his time were rejecting ‘the fountain of life-giving water’ and digging cracked cisterns for themselves. Because of their ‘goodness’ they would not accept God’s best.
It seems you are going through some growing time, and I hope you learn that logically, it will not, cannot work, in the long run. I can understand you reject it now, or say you do, but I’ve observed that Jesus is an anvil that was worn our a lot of hammers.
God is like a Motel 6, take your time coming, He’ll leave a light on for you.